The Beginning....

So I met lover boy just about 12 years ago and I used to have a big crush on him but was too scared to approach him. So years went by before I really saw him again, so when I did see him of course he was still very attractive to me, he asked for my number so I gave it to him. We didn't start talking then though but we did run into each other again and this time we actually talked actually chilled together started liking one another, but we didn't stay in contact for long. So this process went on for years and we never kept in touch the reason is a whole other blog that I may not even touch on. So about a year and a half ago we got back in touch. I had a boyfriend so it started as friends and he knew about my boyfriend but we weren't talking like that anyway, but of course there was an attraction there. As we continued talking there started to be a connection between us, we would talk for hours about any and everything and even when we had nothing to talk about, it didn't matter because we were together. We found out that for us to be so much different then each other we had so much in common it was crazy. By this time me and my boyfriend had broken up and me and lover boy still talked, but my ex was never out the picture and we ended up getting back together. Somewhere along this process of breaking up and making up and talking and what not, I started falling for lover boy but I never stopped loving my boyfriend. Now I'm in deep, my feelings are rooted for my boyfriend and also for lover boy. It all gets worse because lover boy doesn't know that I'm back with my ex and I don't know what I wanna do, do I tell him the truth. I'm afraid that if I do that he will never talk to me again, and never forgive me and I love him dearly I just couldn't deal with that. I don't know, any suggestions feel free to comment.

Infatuation

Infatuation-

an object of extravagant, short-lived passion

You know I never really thought of being infatuated. That's a good word for thought so thanks for throwing it my way. Do I think I'm infatuated with lover boy? Maybe just a little...lol, but not really because even though he does constantly cloud my thinking these feelings aren't subsiding so I doubt they'll go away soon. I think I may be intrigued though. Intrigued by the curve of his lips, the way he speaks to me in a way no-one else does, the way he doesn't just look in my eyes but into the depths of my soul. WHEW!!! I just want him to take control of my very being.

You'd think that this was something brand new that was happening in my life but you'd be surprised. You know I just thought maybe I should go from the beginning, cause lover boy and I kinda have a little history, then you may really feel my emotions for this lover of mine. So next time that's where Ill start, the beginning....

Butterflies

Dang, lover boy gives me butterflies and I don't know why. I saw him today and the passion and love that he had in his eyes for me was undeniable. I know I'm not supposed to see him but nothing can really pull me away, and I cant diffuse this feeling inside. Ugh...why me, this is not supposed to happen. My lover boy continuously is in my mind, and I'm trying to define my feelings right now. It has to be love right, not just lust that I'm feeling for this guy that's not mine. What does this mean, the tug of war with my heart still continues and I don't know who will win. The saga continues...

Next Lifetime??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnh8BTFiGMo

This song just is another thing that reminds me of my situation. Maybe next lifetime?

Secrets Out

This is the first time that I've blogged but I thought maybe someone else would understand my situation and give me some advice, so Im about to let my secret out.

"If I could, could forget him, I would please believe me, and I know that I should throw the towel in, but baby its not, not that easy. You treat me so much better than him, and if I was sane there'd be no competition, but Im in love with someone else."
- Jasmine Sullivan

These words are what constantly flow through my mind as I think of how Im in love with another man. I dont know how I got into this situation, and this man is like no other, he is a man in every aspect of the word. We connect on a way that I havent with anyone in a long time and the funny thing is that we have known each other for years before even connecting on this level. Sounds like bliss right? WRONG!!! The problem is I have a boyfriend and this whole situation started when we broke up, and my loverboy which I will call him was just a friend but as we continue to talk this invisible line of electric force that is between us continues to grow stronger, and I do love my boyfriend, he treats me well, and I love what he does for me, how he kisses me, looks at me, and almost everything about him. Im trying to figure out what this means though is this a sign that it was not meant to be because I have feelings so strong for someone other than my man, or is it meant for next lifetime. This timing sucks and I dont know what to do. Comments please!!! First blog, out